Saturday, and I woke up very early despite lack of sleep, I had a rough day prior to that one. Still, I need to go to work; we are required for a half-day work on Saturdays.
I had a report to finish before 12NN, so my focus was on my work and thanks goodness by 11:30 I was already emailing the report to my boss.
The moment, I received the “successfully sent” message; immediately I packed up my things, and deposited my laptop in its case. I need to go home, I need some rest, my head was painfully aching the whole morning.
I got home and proceeded straight to my bed without changing my clothes and with nothing on my stomach.
At two, I woke up.
I still had the food from the previous night which it turned out to be “eatable”, lol. After eating, I turned my TV sets on and I thought all the programs were boring so I decided to go out.
I want to buy a book, I had read some parts of Jessica Zafra, 8 ½ book and as usual it was fun reading her Twisted series. It’s about the new technology, from social networking to blogging to laptops and the like. I wasn’t able to buy the book last weekend because as I have told you in my previous post, I only have enough money to get me home, so I wasn’t expecting any expenses that would come my way on that day, lol. I even had to babysit for an excruciating and tiring three hours to my godson simply because I cannot buy him the beyblade that he wants, haha.
So, I went back to National Book Store and look for the copy. I was disgusted, I cannot find one, and even the opened one I had read last weekend, probably someone was reading that torn copy by that time.
Instead, I scanned other titles in that particular shelf. One title caught my eyes. The front cover was in black and with a “Parental Advisory” label. A grin on my face registered, I always love reading contents with “Parental Advisory”. It gives me the idea that I am actually reading the real story and not fictional. That's why I love vertigo stories, I mean we are leaving in a world where everyone is sinning even those we thought are not capable of!
Then, I turned to its back cover, ayayay, it’s in pink – so cute, ahaha. The, title of the book is “the chronicles of e”, it was originally an online journal of a person, in a blog format and due to its popularity and of its unique content, caught the eyes of the people from the publishing world and encouraged the author if they can make his work into a book, hence, I am now reading the book.
It’s a confession of a drug addict turned prostitutes turned bisexual; and after diagnosed as HIV+ returned home as a prodigal son. In his story he talks about his life as a drug addict, who were with him when in pot sessions and it is very disturbing that they have a priest member in their clan, and other respected professions and individuals who make drug addiction and sex as part of their leisure routine.
His story is very inspiring, especially for those who seek for redemption or wants a second chance.
In a way, I am like him, not that I am a prostitute or a drug addict but the way he submits on some occasions during his down and failure on how he would talk to God, how he would pray so hard to the Lord, to make his prayers be heard. Yet, it seems that God just loved to ignore him and that finally he stops asking God for any favor and instead thanking him for whatever blessings he receives.
In my lowest time, I felt the same way to the point that I am questioning Him, of how He was so unfair with me and that it seems He’s happy seeing me when I’m in pain, in agony. Why can’t He gave me what is due for me, those that I have worked for, I am not asking anything that is not for me. I hate him for so many times that I stopped praying or even stopped believing.
I have read every pages of the Bible to be somehow enlightened but instead it only made me to conclude that Bible is a harsh book and full of authority unless you want to dig your deeper heart, Bible won’t motivate you in any way. Then, I look to the people who made Bible as the start and the end of their day and truth-of-the-matter these were the worst people I have ever seen, in terms of what they do towards others. In short, I can’t find the answer.
I go to church not because I want to ask something from Him or even asked for forgiveness but I just want to hear the songs played during the mass. I feel calm every time, I’m hearing those angelic melodies with angelic voices, I’m at bliss. I started reading books that would make me worthy to be called heretics. The 12th Planet, Chariots of the Gods? And some bold titles that would insinuate that Aliens are the one our forefathers worshipped.
But, after reading E’s story, I realized how lame my experiences compared to him. I mean he was given by his parents to his evil Aunt’s when he was a kid. While in my case, I have a loving family who despite my blacksheep persona, they never ceased from loving and shower me with that unconditional love. He was a drug addict and to top it all he traded his body in spite of the pain he would encounter just to survive for his addiction and for his life in general. While, I’m only addicted to comicbooks and chocolates (lol) and I don’t have to trade my body (of course, no one in their right mind would ever want too, lol) to earn a living.
Then, when he thought everything is falling against him, he realizes that he still has his family. He went back home, changed his ways and promised he will be a new person from that on.
The moral of the story, is that there is no such thing as late when seeking redemption and to follow the path of righteousness, despite gone through hell for most of your life.